Call Me: Mary Beton, Lost In Thought

“Here then was I  (call me Mary Beton, Mary Seton, Mary Carmichael or by any name you please – it is not a matter of any importance) sitting on the banks of a river a week or two ago in fine October weather, lost in thought.” – Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own

For months I’ve sat on this domain,, wondering “how will I even begin?”
I knew it would always begin with the source of inspiration, but how will I introduce myself to you, if there’s a you out there?

I think I owe it to you to let you know that I am male-identified-at-birth, and largely okay with my male pronouns. The doubt I carry about myself is why I’m here I suppose. I graduated college with a few credits in GSWS studies, and I want to dive deeper, learn more about the subject, and at once, learn more about myself.

Hardly a day goes by when I don’t look in the mirror and wonder about myself. And there are a lot of questions. I don’t think transition is right for me, but I have lots of ideas about my gender performance. Sometimes I whisper the name “Lorelai” to myself, with confidence.

I’m lost in thought and needed a place to record the thoughts. Maybe I’ll watch some TV and break down their worth in how they portray and treat gay, female, trans, or POC characters. Maybe I’ll read a book or two and write what I think about it. Maybe I’ll just confess things to you. – M.B.


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